12:33 Epiphany

Yes. It's 12:33.

But regardless of the time, regardless of the day or month, or whatever, I have had an epiphany.

I came across a picture just now.

A picture that literally haunts me straight to my core.

You'd think it were a picture of a lost loved one or perhaps a ghost with the way I'm talking.

But it's not.

It's actually a picture of...

Well...

Me.

Not a scary picture really to those of you who don't know me well.

But to me...it's absolutely heart-wrenching...mortifying even.

This is a picture of me on move-in day my freshman year of college.

This is also a picture of me at my smallest.

Now to most of you I'm sure I don't look that small. But for me this was "small".

In this picture I had just lost close to 50 pounds.

And what's better is back then I still felt HUGE.

Looking at this now, looking at how absolutely incredible I look compared to how I look, how I FEEL now. It's an awful feeling. AWFUL.

I am tired ALL THE TIME. I have ZERO motivation. I'm sluggish and boring and I can't remember the last time I've had an adventure or was spontaneous. And that has nothing to do with a baby and everything to do with ME.

In fact, thinking about it, I haven't been very ME in a long time.

I'm spontaneous. I like to go on random road trips, I love to travel, and roam. I like to play and find new things. I like surprises and adventures. And I haven't been that way in far too long.

And it's hard to say I blame being this way on being fat. But I actually do. As weird as that sounds. I've lost the very thing that makes me the most ME.

For the last year and a half or so I have had a hard time looking in a mirror. And when I do it's never for vein reasons but for self conscious reasons.

I'm the biggest I've ever been. I feel as bad as I look. I don't wear makeup unless going somewhere of importance. I don't get excited about shopping or even finding an outfit to wear. I. AM. MISERABLE.

My drive is at an all time low, due to stress. And my stress makes me eat. And eating makes me bigger. And getting bigger makes me stress.

Catch 22.

But that is over now. It's done. No more excuses no more "I can'ts".

Because tomorrow I'm going to post that picture EVERYWHERE.

On my phone, on my laptop, on the FRIDGE. On a fucking billboard if I have to. A constant reminder of the ME I used to be. The healthier, happier, pick-up-and-go, not-a-care-in-the-world Kerin.

Watch out world.

I'm coming back.

Fail Blog

I have totally been failing as a blogger lately. Between the non stop craziness, the sleeplessness, the happy, the sad, and a 7 month old things have been crazy bananas.

I have so much going on and so much to share.

I have an interview set up for the PERFECT job.

I have my first paid engagement shoot with a close friend. Which I am beyond excited for.

We are in the middle of finishing up a family yard sale.

My nephew just had a birthday and we've been celebrating that too.

Bug decided to take up crawling in the last week.

Or whatever this is.

I've got some catching up in life to do so for now I'll leave you with a little photo lovin.

Yard Sale Table Makeover

ARE YOU READY?!?

I'm so pumped to share this with you because I'm so stoked excited elated how this project came out.

I'm also probably definitely too proud...like, run-around-the-house-waving-my-A+-in-everybody's-face-super-glue-to-the-fridge proud.

Now let me rate this project first.

I'd have to say on a scale of 1-10, 10 being I have my own show on HGTV, my home improvement skills are somewhere around a 7 or so. I'm fairly handy...just saying.

I couldn't do plumbing or electrical to save my life, but I did go to school for interior design, I watch HGTV like nobody's business, and I've done a number of projects with family and friends (primarily my Dad).

I'd have to rate this project a 2 in regards to difficulty.

And it's also a two day project. Not that it takes two days to complete but there's some dry time.

So I know I'm killing you with the suspense...here we go..drum roll please!

How ya like them apples?!

I'm so in love with the end result.

So how did I get to the end result you ask?

Excellent question.

I sanded the ever-living shit out of it. Using medium grit sandpaper and a weeks worth of motivation. It took a lot longer than I anticipated simply due to all the small details in the piece.

I dusted off the table with a dry paper towel to remove all the debris and then followed up with a lightly dampened paper towel.

Now from here I would normally use a primer. Primer is good for more than one reason, it helps the coats on top of it adhere to whatever you're painting and helps eliminate the need for more coats.

I however did not have primer on hand so I did two coats waiting a day in between. And had I had a small roller on hand I likely would have rolled all the flat surfaces to avoid seeing brush strokes. But to be honest they really aren't the noticeable. I'm also thinking about replacing the hardware, but for now I will sit back and love it.

For 5 bucks and a couple hours of my time...I'm so so happy with the outcome!

Now tell me, whaddaya think?!