Nose Goes

Nose Goes as defined by Urban Dictionary is "A quick observation game typically played to determine who will be the person to either go first or commit to an action all together. The last person not touching their nose is essentially "it"."

As a child "nose goes" determines all things of great importance, and in case you have never heard of it (which I have to imagine is impossible) it's ALWAYS used to determine something you don't want to do. ALWAYS. I mean really it only makes sense.

But regardless...Last night bug was laying on the couch between my boyfriend and I passed out...and then suddenly without warning she rips ass. Now this little girl doesn't fart like what I imagine a normal baby farts like. This baby farts like a full grown man after a fucking feast at Taco Bell...and it is IMPRESSIVE. Except this fart was accompanied by the most disgusting sounding poop noises (aren't you glad you decided to read this today). To which my boyfriend promptly looks at me and shouts "Nose Goes!".

Back in the day, on the playground, I was the queen of this. Simply because, the first person to THINK of using "nose goes" as a means of deciding essentially never has to do shit, it's everyone else that's blindsided. TECHNICALLY, nose goes should be played with 3 or more people because with two people you're essentially just telling them to go do whatever it is without them having a say in the matter, which is why this method of parenting is fucking GENIUS.

Now this opens up a wholllle new world of parenting. Ok...bring it. GAME ON. Bug's crying in the middle of the night cause she's hungry? "Nose Goes." Bug blew out a diaper up to her fucking hairline? "NOSE FUCKING GOES." ....I think I'm going to like this.