Alpha Bravo Charlie

I can't think on the spot. Like ever.

Doesn't matter if it's morning, night, I've had my coffee, I've slept a solid 8 hours...I just can't think on my feet.

Well I take calls all day long.

And being on the phone for a living means eventually I need to spell something out...and well as we all know 90% of the letters sound alike "B" "C" "D" "E" "G" "P" "T" "V" "Z" ....ugh.

And we all know there is that Phonetic Alphabet "A as in Alpha" "B as in Bravo" or whatever...except...I don't know it.

I just make sh*t up as I go. "A as in Airplane" "D as in Dragon" ...like my brain just can't think of words fast enough that start with the letter and then when I hesitate ..I get nervous...I stutter and I just frantically throw something out there and hope for the best.

And there are some I just get continually stuck on...like "I"

So I'm all like "I as in.....umm...you know..uhhh...icecream"

Great. Now I sound like an moron and a fat*ss. Cool

The past week I've been saying "U as in Unicorn"....um what?...

And today...well I'd like to blame my sheer ignorance on the fact that it's friday...but lezbehonest...this has been going on for weeks

I definitely said "Y...as in You"

Soon I'll be saying "P as is Pneumonia or Pterodactyl" "K as in Knife"

And don't even get me started on the english language. Whoever made that sh*t up should have been fired. I just..can't deal with how absolutely stupid it is.

Examples:

Which, Witch

Weather, Whether

Too, To, Two

All words that sound the same but are spelt differently. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

But whats worse?

Read, Read

Lead, Lead

Tear, Tear

All words that are spelt exactly the same but pronounced differently. WHAT?!

Why!? Why is that possible?!

And silent letters?! Who was drunk at that meeting when we decided THAT was a good idea.

Don't worry about me...I'll just be over here...losing my mind at how idiotic this language is. Ugh.

Thank heavens it's the weekend.

Shots From Yesterday

My best friend Lindsay, as I'm sure you've heard me mention her before...she's the one with the killer Bruschetta Pasta Salad Recipe, well she invited us yesterday to go play at her house for a bit. And Aunty Lindsay's house has the BEST in-ground pool. Except yesterday mother nature decided to laugh in our faces and provide us with one hell of a thunderstorm.

After a couple hours of waiting she must have felt our severe depression emanating from the house so she decided to throw us a break and give us a few hours of sun.

The pool was gorgeous and warm and just what we needed.

Aunty Lindsay's house ALSO has some seriously amazing french doors to the outside which shed some ridiculously awesome light...so naturally I had my camera one me to take a couple ton of pictures.

More to come :)

The Hunt

So the house hunt has started.

Boyfriend and I have been waiting for this moment for a verrrrry long time now.

But there is an issue...of course...because if you've been reading my blog for even a little while you'll know NOTHING is ever easy for me.

The biggest issue has been deciding whether to rent or buy.

Shouldn't be that difficult of an issue right?

Wrong...so so wrong.

So allow me to explain what the hell is going on and to anyone who can give me any semblance of advice I will love you forever.

The problem with renting? Well it's just that...it's renting. It's expensive, it will be difficult to save for a house while paying rent, it's smaller than a house (obviously) but the biggest part about it, is it's going to be practically impossible to find a place that will accept a dog AND a baby.

The second you mention you have a dog (nevermind a BIGGISH dog) you may as well have told them you're an effing serial murderer.

First of all, not only is my bumpy EXTREMELY well behaved, she's middle aged, and a golden retriever...one of the most mellow, friendly, loving breeds of dog on earth. Well, apparently my adorable, sleeps-20-hours-a-day fluffball is not rental friendly. And well lezbehonest, I'd rather live on the street then give up my girl so that is just not an option. No way, no how.

And then there's bug. Which means the place would also need to be "lead free", which seriously limits the little to no options even further.

But generally speaking I feel as though renting is always the smarter way to go before purchasing because buying a house is kiiiiinda a big deal.

Well now in regards to purchasing a home... it's a much more permanent option, which given it was in the right location, that definitely would be a non-issue, however it is certainly something to consider. We would need to get qualified and deal with getting approved for a loan, and then on top of that finding a house that is in our price range that isn't in complete and utter disrepair.

And to top it off all four of the houses that I found online and asked the realtor to view were ALL under contract, even though two of them were listed as "newly listed". The websites can't take the time to just put that the sale is pending on the house? For that to happen to me 4 different times...to the only 4 houses I've asked about? Like...what the actual fuck.

So please excuse me whilst I bang my head against the wall and try to sort this crazy out.

I've about lost it (more so than normal).... And could really really use some advice.

If anybody has any advice or expertise it would be very much appreciated.. and in the meantime...i'll be here...just ya know...bangin my head against the wall.

And So It Begins

Passed out asleep beside me this tiny bug has stolen my little black heart.

With each passing day there is something new and I feel like it's happening all so fast.

I swear it felt like it was just last week that we were all trying our hardest to make her smile and now we can't get her to stop. She JUST started laughing all the time (which is probably one of the most amazing things I've ever heard in my life). She's now sitting up (assisted) but sitting up nonetheless. Her little coos and gurgles have turned into full blown baby chatter (and mother of god...she is a talker).

But the last few days or so have been rough for bug. She's been crying way more often then usual and we have been sitting here studying her like a rare artifact.

And we've finally decided we think she is in the very very beginning stages of teething.

Poor bug.

It makes me sad to think there's only so much I can do, and until we know 100% what's causing her to be such a cranky pants I don't want to give her any medicine.

So for now I will hold her close and squish her way too tight and give her all the ice cold tethers she can handle.

But my lanta how quickly all this has happened.

I swear one day I'm just gunna turn around and she's gunna to be walking. Like...totally skip crawling altogether and just start straight up walking.

I know everyone said it would happen FAST but let me be clear, nobody mentioned it happens all at once.

Oy vey, does it happen all out once. But I'm loving every single millisecond of it.

Around the Corner

A lot has been tumbling around lately in this mommy brain of mine.

Lots and lots of restless nights.

And with my birthday lingering around the corner, it's only a reminder of the fact that I'm an old lady now which probably explains all the crazy goin' on.

Ok I know 24 isn't that old but it sure as hell feels like it.

Boyfriend has been driving me BANANAS scheming and planning the last MONTH over my present. I love him so much for caring so much about my gift but I swear I'm at that age now where I'm all set if you just throw me a compliment, make me a cake, and call it a day.

Is that weird?

I've never been one of those..."It's all about me, give me your attention all day, shower me with presents, and ridiculous amounts of food and drink" kinda girls. My birthdays have always just consisted of my closest friends and I spending some time together.

The last 3 years a group of friends and myself have been going to NYC for the day.

It's one of my all time favorite places in the world, yea...it smells and the people are absolutely looney...but there's nothing quite like, new york city, and NOTHING like Times Square. The lights, the noise, the atmosphere...it's addicting.

Now with bug here, things will be very, very different. And to be honest, I'm ok with that.

My life isn't so much about me anymore. I'm no longer a "me"...I'm an "us". I'm part of a family...and THAT is the best birthday present anyone could ask for.

Such Is My Life Continued

Rain. Sucks.

I mean don't get me wrong I'm all about free car washes...but there's also a fine line between a summer shower and an ark-requiring-armageddon down pour.

And THAT is the type of rain I witnessed today.

SO there I was at my house just about to leave for work watching the rain cascade through the sky whilst I mentally abuse myself for even considering making myself look presentable by doing my hair and makeup. Waste of effing time.

When there..before my eyes.. the sky opened up...the clouds spread apart and the rain began to slow. The birds were singing the sun was shining and I laughed maniacally all the way to my car at my invincibility to mother nature and all she feebly threw at me.

As I sat in my car and shut the door, I SWEAR the rain started up again. Like something out of a movie.

So high on my horse I rode to work in the pouring rain and the closer I got to work the more the rain slowed down and again I laughed to myself at how awesome I was.

Until that is...I parked my car.

And mother nature decided to metaphorically spit in my face for ever thinking I had outsmarted her.

Because it poured...and it poured...and it poured.

And I sat in my car insisting with each passing minute that there was a faint possibility that it would stop soon.

Until finally I needed to leave or I would be late to work.

And this wasn't just any rain either...it was that post apocalyptic rain I had been referring to earlier.

And guess who decided to be Comfortable Carol (you like that?) and not wear a bra today.

Yep. This guy right here.

So off I dodged to the door.

But it was a useless attempt for after a mere 10th of a second after I stepped out of the car I was absolutely and disgustingly drenched.

And you know how we women all like to think that we look something like this in the rain:

or this

Well lezbehonest we all look a lot more like this:

or this

So there I am soaking wet, looking like a hot ass mess when what happens?

I ALMOST slip and fall on my ass due to traction-less flip flops and copious amounts of water on the floor. THANK HEAVENS for my coworker behind me who so gallantly caught me before I ate shit and totally wiped out.

This is my life. I'm just here for your entertainment. Please enjoy.

Such is My Life

I picked a terrible day to not wear a bra... Just sayin.

I Don't Do Bugs

I know I can speak for most women when I say how much bugs suck.

(Yes yes, I know it's ironic that I call my baby "bug"...but still)

I don't do bugs.

Anything with more than four legs freaks me the fuck out.

Around any insect I swear I go into a full blown panic attack mode and my body and brain stop functioning normally.

And everyone's all like "oh stop it, just kill the damn thing"
And I'm like "Um No, I'm not fucking moving, I swear it's looking at me and can smell my fear."

And then they say something completely ridiculous like "Just hit it with your shoe"
So I clearly respond by telling the person they're off their damn rocker if they think Im getting within a 3ft radius of that thing and then following up by smashing it with my favorite flip flops only to get nasty bug carcass all over my shoe, ya no thanks. All set.

I just...I don't do bugs.

Did I mention that my house IS COVERED IN BUGS?!?!

It's like something straight out of a fucking horror movie.

I USED to live in the boondocks, and even living in a remote area, surrounded by trees and things that make outrageously creepy noises at night, I still didn't even have close to the number of insect-y things as I do in this house.

So how have I survived all this time you ask?

Boyfriend. That's how.

This is every woman's agreement, it's in that invisible contract we sign when we enter a relationship. The same one that states that they control the remote, and we never talk about our periods...whatever. There's a clause somewhere in there that states the man has bug/spider duty.

Ahh yes, spiders. Which in my mind do NOT qualify as insects but more along the lines of 8 legged terrorists.

I don't do bugs...but I DEFINITELY don't do spiders. I'll take an army of pretty much any insect before I try and tackle a spider.

I mean obviously there are some that don't bother me nearly as much or even at all really like ants or ladybugs but there's nothing really scary or gross or evil looking about either of those.

SO it's summer now and boyfriend is on bug duty and I'm almost certain he's reconsidering and reevaluating our relationship as we speak. Last night I asked him at least three times to check the bed for bugs. Psycho I know, but lord knows if I found a bug on me in the middle of the night I would go absolutely bat shit and not sleep for the remainder of the night week...and then to make matters worse any little touch or hair or any semblance of foreign contact with my body would give me a friggin aneurysm.

Ugh this is just one thing I DO NOT LIKE about the summer months...

If I haven't mentioned it before...

I. DON'T. DO. BUGS.

Blegh.

A New Passion

I'm so fucking obsessed with this baby, I can't even contain myself. Do you see those eyes? Ugh...be still my heart.

And what I'm loving almost as much right now? Photography.

It's been like my drug. I'm like one of those crazy-ass tourist losers running around with their giant camera around their neck.

Yep. That's me. Total full-blown loser.

So I've decided once I get a bit more equipment and props I'd really like to start doing it for others. Starting out super cheap if not free and work my way to doing it semi-pro (if you will).

However, this mama needs practice. So practice I will.

But I sincerely haven't found a love, or passion, or drive to pursue something like this my whole life, it's a wonderful feeling to have a hobby I love, let me tell you. Expensive...but wonderful nonetheless.

Just A Bit More

Fourth of July Shenanigans

The Fourth was such a surreal day because the Fourth of July has more than one connotation for me. A year from that day was the the day I discovered I was having a baby.

I was terrified... I was nervous... I was completely overwhelmed.

I thought I was going puke. It was only because of the support of boyfriend and his sisters that I even managed to not lose my sanity completely. I remember saying over and over to myself "holy shit, this time next year I'll have a baby in my arms."

And now here I am a year later even more in love with my best friend and feeling so lucky that we have the most wonderful and beautiful baby girl.... And I wouldn't change a thing.

It was wonderful this Fourth of July with my little family and of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have 3 billion pictures to document the day but here are a select few :)

Change is Inevitable

My sister in law (or soon to be) was so flipping cute today.

First of all, this woman (who I love to absolute pieces mind you) has been my lifeline and my sanity throughout my entire relationship with boyfriend, pregnancy, and now motherhood. She's a fucking cornucopia of advice and expertise and I relish in any and every tip, comment, or minute factoid she has to give me, as...more often then not...it's gold, pure gold.

She will never hesitate to tell you whether you're being a complete psychopath (texting her at all hours with obscene pregnancy freak outs) or if you're just doing the normal/acceptable crazy mom bullshit. She tells you how it is (in the nicest way possible of course).

Well, you would swear my sister-in-law was bug's mom. She posts more pictures of her and has more pictures of her around the house than she does of her two boys (I'm not kidding...and I believe they refer to it as their shrine). She loves bug beyond what an aunty does.

And today she texted boyfriend and I with this GIANT ass list of things she had noticed from the last time she'd seen her (which was last week mind you). But the more I read the list, and smile and laugh to myself, I realize how so very right she is.

Every single day bug changes.

She talks like her life depends on it, like she has the cure to world hunger or some shit stored in that little tiny head of hers that she insists on sharing with the world. She just babbles away incoherently, listening to the sound of her own voice, and by what I gather she sincerely enjoys the sound.

She's a baby fart machine, both in the actual and fake forms. She's taken to blowing bubbles and drooling like a rabid dog and makes all these new faces and sounds. She's getting taller and growing more hair. She's just starting to laugh and try to sit up on her own. She can hold things now, even if only for a moment or so. But all of this...all of these things...they're new...they're changing and transforming and it's the most insane and beautiful thing I've ever witnessed in my life.

I just want to soak it all in and remember it all because it seems just as I get used to one little nuance another one arises. She is ever changing, ever growing.

And I love that we get to share these moments with such wonderful people like her aunty. An aunty who texts me to tell me she's noticed all these little, tiny but amazing things.

I guess this post is just to say how so right (again) bug's Aunty really is. Change is inevitable, and with babies it is happening CONSTANTLY so as a parent I think I need to learn and teach myself to take a step back from my rather ridiculously fast paced life and better soak in all these changes. I don't want to miss any new noise, or tiny hair on her head, or milestone, or anything. I don't wanna miss a thing.




Sorry I had to.

Because not only is change inevitable it happens FAST. So to end tonights post I'm going to keep all this in mind and spend the remainder of my night squeezing the bejesus out of my not so little peanut.

Lindsay's Bruschetta Pasta Salad

The following recipe comes per my friend Lindsay and for the record it IS as delicious as it sounds.

I think the best part about this recipe is that it's simple. And not just simple in that it's easy to make but simple also due to the lack of ingredients. Color me crazy but recipes that I tend to lean toward generally have fewer ingredients.

And if you're wondering...yes I AM one of those nit-picky people. There are a lot of things I do not like for example: onions, olives, mushrooms, ANY seafood, MOST cooked veggies. If that makes me picky...then fine so be it. However, I've lived my whole life eating plenty of really delicious food that does not include any of the aforementioned foods. So recipes that have simple ingredients are what attract me most and THIS is one of them. Five ingredients, people...five.

Ingredients:

1 Box/lb of tri color rotini
1 1/4 cup of diced tomatoes
3/4 cup of shredded fat free mozzarella
2-4 finely chopped fresh basil leaves
Roughly 7oz of Balsamic Vinaigrette (to taste)

And that is IT. I'd like to make two notes.

1. You CAN used diced fresh mozzarella as well however Lindsay likes the continuity of the shredded. Plus lezbehonest it makes for a much easier and faster prep.
2. When Lindsay was texting me the recipe her phone autocorrected "tomatoes" to "panties". And for me that too is worth noting.


Prep:

Cook the rotini until tender (or al dente as I prefer it), throw in a bowl and mix with remaining ingredients.

It's THAT easy. And for the record, pretty damn healthy too.

If you try it, maybe for your fourth of July parties (hint, hint) be sure to let us know what you think!

Sick as a Dog.

You know, I never really understood that phrase.... Sick as a dog. My dog has never been sick so to be quite honest, it's fucking stupid if you ask me...but I digress...

I AM sick. And as much as it totally blows, I can't really complain (well too much, because I'm the queen of bitching and complaining so a-bitching I will go) because I haven't been sick in the longest time.

Generally speaking, I get sick all the time, but for some reason the past year has been an ok year...ya know...general pregnancy-bitching aside. You know what else sucks about being sick? Everything tastes like F%#*ING NOTHING. The chicken picatta I had for dinner tasted exactly like the sandwich I had for lunch and the english muffin I had for breakfast. At that point...why the hell am I even bothering to eat.

I'm tired, I'm groggy, I'm stuffy, I'm cough-y, and now I'm grumpy. So I've been forced into a love affair...with Mr. Quil. I've been downing dayquil like it's my damn job.

So I'm forced to go to work in this state of lunacy....and I can only imagine my colleagues feeling a little something like this:



So unfortunately tonight my post will be short and sweet...as I will be taking a bottle of Nyquil to the face tonight and going to bed far too early.

I believe I still have more pictures to post from last weekend, but to be perfectly honest I'm not entirely sure and as of right now I don't care to look. So off to bed for bug, bumpy, and I. FYI...I give everyone a stupid ass nickname and for the record bumpy is my dog, Sadee but I will further explain later on so for now, I have a bed with my name on it. Good-flippin-night.

Photobomb Part Three

Photobomb Part Dos