Alpha Bravo Charlie

I can't think on the spot. Like ever.

Doesn't matter if it's morning, night, I've had my coffee, I've slept a solid 8 hours...I just can't think on my feet.

Well I take calls all day long.

And being on the phone for a living means eventually I need to spell something out...and well as we all know 90% of the letters sound alike "B" "C" "D" "E" "G" "P" "T" "V" "Z" ....ugh.

And we all know there is that Phonetic Alphabet "A as in Alpha" "B as in Bravo" or whatever...except...I don't know it.

I just make sh*t up as I go. "A as in Airplane" "D as in Dragon" ...like my brain just can't think of words fast enough that start with the letter and then when I hesitate ..I get nervous...I stutter and I just frantically throw something out there and hope for the best.

And there are some I just get continually stuck on...like "I"

So I'm all like "I as in.....umm...you know..uhhh...icecream"

Great. Now I sound like an moron and a fat*ss. Cool

The past week I've been saying "U as in Unicorn"....um what?...

And today...well I'd like to blame my sheer ignorance on the fact that it's friday...but lezbehonest...this has been going on for weeks

I definitely said "Y...as in You"

Soon I'll be saying "P as is Pneumonia or Pterodactyl" "K as in Knife"

And don't even get me started on the english language. Whoever made that sh*t up should have been fired. I just..can't deal with how absolutely stupid it is.

Examples:

Which, Witch

Weather, Whether

Too, To, Two

All words that sound the same but are spelt differently. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

But whats worse?

Read, Read

Lead, Lead

Tear, Tear

All words that are spelt exactly the same but pronounced differently. WHAT?!

Why!? Why is that possible?!

And silent letters?! Who was drunk at that meeting when we decided THAT was a good idea.

Don't worry about me...I'll just be over here...losing my mind at how idiotic this language is. Ugh.

Thank heavens it's the weekend.

Baby Code

My soon to be sister in law shared a video with me yesterday that was absolutely mind blowing, so I figured since it applies so well to my life now and is just all kinds of ridiculous I figured I'd share it with you. I'll put the link to the video at the bottom of this post but for those of you who can't watch or are simply too lazy, here is the gist:

We've all heard of a photogenic memory, people who have the ability to see something and instantaneously remember it (what we all wished we had while in school). Read a book once and remember it forever? Yes please. Well apparently there are other super powers that people can possess and one of them is called a phonogenic memory. Same concept as photogenic but instead of SEEING something and remembering it they are able to HEAR it and remember. Un-freaking-believable if you ask me. So a woman on Oprah, Priscilla Dunstan, discovered she had a phonogenic memory very early on in life. At around four years old she was able to listen to her mother play a song on the piano and be able to play it back immediately note for note. When she was a little older she discovered she would never need to take notes in school, anything the teacher had said she would be able to remember. Well now this is the part in the video where I'm sitting there saying fuck my life. The girl's a freakin prodigy and somehow won the genetics lottery. As I'm about to stop the video simply due to sheer jealousy, the woman explains she had discovered how to put this talent to good use. Intrigued, I listened on. Later in life the woman had a son and figured out he had 5 different pre-cries, the cries JUST before a cry becomes hysterical, and each of these cries signified a different desire. She discovered distinct "I'm hungry","I'm sleepy", "I'm uncomfortable", "I need to burp", and "I have gas" cries.

Ok, lady, good for you. Congratulations on being awesome. But wait. She soon discovers that these 5 cries aren't just her son's method of explaining what he needs but that, in fact, it is a universal baby language. Yes, you heard correctly. She cracks the "baby language", as she refers to it, code. Shut the front door. Seriously? Sign my ass up. So she goes through each of the cries, how they sound and how to distinguish between and them. She had tried them with hundreds and hundreds of different babies of different races and cultures and it works EVERY TIME.

So now I'm sitting here dumbfounded and decide to put them to the test. The first cry my daughter did sounded like the "I have gas" cry...I shit you not (pun DEFINITELY intended) she rips serious ass no more than 2 minutes later (and yes, I will have a post all about this coming soon, no but seriously). Maybe an hour or so later she did the "I need to burp" cry, so like a good little student I did and I was told and sure enough, she burps. I swear I was almost shedding tears of joy. If you have the time, DEFINITELY watch this video, it's a bit long (17 mins if I remember correctly) but totally worth it. And for all you moms out there, Yeah, you're welcome. Don't forget to comment and subscribe!