Zombie Mommy

I haven't slept in like a week.

No but seriously..it's awful.

And everyone's all like "Oh the baby's keeping you up?"

NO. Actually...she's a perfect little angel and sleeps through the night so god knows WHY the hell I'm not sleeping. It's been close to 5 days since I've had some half decent sleep. And if you know me even a little you know that sleep is very important to my well-being.

HENCE the name "Confessions of a Serial Napper"...because...8 hours of blissful sleep is often not enough for me. I love me some naps too. Ugh. There's nothing like taking a mid day nap on a rainy Sunday.

I'm actually infamous for my naps. I don't take little cat naps...cat naps are for pussys. (See what I did there?)

I take NAPS. Like three hour POWER naps.

My friends would call me in the middle of the day for YEARS and when they didn't get an answer...they knew...

Naps are just so refreshing and invigorating and sometimes if you're grumpy or you feel like shit...a nap is just what the doctor ordered.

Well mama hasn't slept. And she is one tired and cranky mofo. And ain't nobody got time fo' naps.

So basically...I'm a walking zombie. I've been talking out my ass and stuttering and I just need some serious zzzz's.



Fingers crossed I can get some shut eye tonight...or things are going to start getting realllll ugly.

Holy Crap I'm a Mom

You know how some things in life take like FOREVER to realize? I keep having those moments ALL the time...over really big things and insignificant things.

Por ejemplo (ya like that? I still remember SOME spanish...it's cool..I only took it for SEVEN years):

Graduating high school was probably my first surreal experience. I could not believe I was a graduate...or how old I was getting...

And when boyfriend and I found out we were pregnant? I didn't somewhat believe it until our first ultrasound and then honestly it didn't really hit home until I was giving birth to her and then held her in my arms for the first time...And then for probably a MONTH after having her I would wake up every morning and be like "Shit...I'm a mom...when did that happen?" It is so surreal...and still is even seeing her adorable little face I just wanna smush like ALL the time...I still can't believe she's mine.

Well, yesterday, I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize and when I listened to the voice mail some woman told me I had a package delivered to my house but because I wasn't there to receive it they gave it to my neighbor to hold on to until I got home...I didn't even know they could do that...

So for the next 2 hours I sat with ants in my damn pants waiting to go home and see what it was.

I get home and on the counter (boyfriend had retrieved said package) was a GINORMOUS fruit bouquet. Like HUGE. I looked at boyfriend and was like...did YOU do this? And he assures me for the 297452th time that it was not in fact from him so I read the card. My best friend, Lindsay (yes, you have heard that name before, she's the one from the sticky shovel incident) sent me this awesome-ness with a card that said "Happy first Mother's Day. Love, Linds".

INSTANT tears.

FIRST OF ALL.

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE flowers. I do. You can see them ALL over my blog. HOWEVER...nothing says "I love you", "Thank you." "You're fucking awesome", "Get well soon" WHATEVER...like food does.

Seriously.

And not just any food. Chocolate covered food...my FAVORITE kind. And it's fruit...so I don't have to feel guilty about stuffing face and eating the entire basket.

And second... the point of this post...

This thoughtful, unexpected, totally fantastic (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!) gift reminded me that I'm a mother this Mother's Day. And while people have been saying it to me, I've kind of just been brushing it off. It wasn't really until I received her gift that I was like....Damn, that's right....I'm a mom this mother's day. Some things really just don't hit home until a significant moment. And THAT was my significant moment. I'm SO happy to be a mom. I'm so happy to have such a wonderful, beautiful baby. I'm so happy to have a loving boyfriend. AND I'm so happy to have friends who make all of these amazing moments in my life THAT much better. Happy mama, today :)

Never a Dull Moment

Nothing like starting off your Tuesday morning walking into someone peeing.

Seriously? What is my life?

And not only that...It was a man.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Now let me explain myself before I come off like some creepy mofo walkin in bathrooms and creepin on people.

At work we have 3 bathrooms. Two of the bathrooms are individual unisex bathrooms, available for the customers as well as the staff to use. The dungeon bathroom (as I like to call it) is this disgusting, strange men's bathroom. It has one of those weird ass giant circle sinks in the middle of the room like in Harry Potter but exponentially more gross. It features 2 stalls and a urinal and the door does not lock. The guys don't need to use this bathroom as we have two other, better, more private, less terrifying bathrooms and yet regardless they all for some reason still use the dungeon bathroom.

Now normally I would have no need to ever enter a men's bathroom. And thinking back I think I've only ever USED a men's bathroom like twice in my life...as a kid in emergency-I-can't-hold-it situations. But, of course, this bathroom houses all the cleaning products and toiletries needed for me to properly do my job.

So, as I always do, this morning I knocked on the door, and as always there was no answer. So I waltzed right in. And there..standing before me at the urinal (of course) is a guy peeing. Damn it. Why?!
Did you not hear me knock? Ugh.

So my obvious response is to internally freak out, turn around and BOLT in the opposite direction. Mind you this is no more than 5 minutes after having walked in the door to work. What a way to start off the day. Now I'm weirded out and agitated and ready to go home and cuddle with boyfriend and bug...and then promptly burn my eyes out of my skull.

Is it Friday yet?