Car Technology

Can we talk about cars for a second?

Totally random I know.

But I definitely just saw a commercial for a minivan that has a vacuum BUILT IN.

That's right...you heard me...BUILT. IN.

SOMEBODY had their Wheaties the morning they made that decision. Damn.

And like...Who in their right mind wouldn't want that?

It's absolute genius. And it's hidden away behind a panel in back like this:

That is just way too much genius for me to handle all at once.

Back up sensors, moonroofs that take up the whole ceiling, in-car vacuums, cars that drive and park themselves, motion censored lift gates...

Sweet.

I remember when the coolest thing our car had was a digital speedometer and a car phone.

Car phone...that's right..I just took your ass down memory lane. You're welcome.

Now if only they can come up with a technology that can help me parallel park like a badass


GIFSoup

17 Lights

There are 17 lights on my way to work. Yep. Today I counted them. There are also 4 of those flashing yellow blinky lights. Now I guess this wouldn't be a huge deal if my work were say...30 or even 20 miles away. So how far away is work for me you ask?...6...6 damn miles. That is the most ridiculously stupid thing ever. Which means, according to how my life works I hit anywhere between 80 and 90 percent of them. Who, may I ask, even thought to put THIS many lights in such a small freaking area? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.


And what's more the people in my town are (understandably so) fed up with this clusterfuck of lights, that they blow through them...ALL.THE.TIME. I have never seen people run red lights like they do in my town. EVER. It's insane. When a light turns green, it is suicide to Mario Andretti your ass through it...because GUARANTEED there is at least one...if not TWO people about to run the red light going in the opposite direction. Suicide I tell you. And I can't say I never run red lights...cause I totally do, usually not out of spite for the number of red lights I need to sit at. Normally when I run a red light it's one of those, "Oh the light turned yellow but I'm going too fast to stop in a normal manner so that the person behind me doesn't rear end me" (I always picture cars that stop too fast in cartoons and the rear end of the car lifts up from the force of the stop. Awesome visual, I know.) And of course I've had the occasional times where I'm like "Fuck it, I'm going"...and we all know what makes those moments awesome...When the person BEHIND YOU also runs the red light. Because you know YOU ran it...that guy like BLATANTLY ran it (like a boss)...and his ass is grass if the cops are around, and yours is safe. Score.

Welp, today's a big day for me..I'll make sure to share sometime later on ;). And tonight I will be following up with the most delicious-fantastic-mouthwatering-lifealtering recipe EVER. Prepare accordingly.

C'est La Vie

Recently I bought me a new car. This was a life altering event. It was my first "big girl" purchase, and to say it's been my best purchase to date would be an understatement.



I mean. Just look at her (her name is Violet by the way...you can't see it in the picture very well but she's actually purple. IN LOVE...and yes, I'm one of those crazies that names their car). HOWEVER today my "best purchase ever" is kicking me in the ass. Today, my car hates me. And nothing terrifies the ever living shit out of me more than a malfunctioning vehicle. I have been in my fair share of predicaments with vehicles, and now having bug, I'm the worlds largest worry wart. My old car (the car I was given in high school) was previously owned by Satan. That car had it out for me and in the span of two years I had been stranded AT LEAST a half dozen times. That asshole on the side of the road, bawling their eyes out, throwing shit around like a nutbag and having a spastic fit in their car? Ya ...that's me. It happens after the third or fourth time your reject-mobile breaks down in a ridiculously short period of time. Needless to say, that made purchasing a new (to me) car all the more comforting.

While on the topic, I've also been stranded in OTHER peoples cars, because... well... that's just my shitty ass luck. The boyfriend and I a year and a half or so ago got in a huge fight and broke up. So in typical best friend fashion my two best friends took it upon themselves to take me on a road trip to get it off my mind. And yes, it is just how you are picturing it. So off we travel in a VW bug (I wish I could make this shit up)off to new york city, which for us was about a 3-3 1/2 hour drive. Well my friends bug (the car...not my baby) is about as reliable as the titanic. In other words, about halfway there, we break down. SOO now not only am I grieving from the breakup, now we're stranded in the middle-of-fucking-nowhere Connecticut, in the parking lot of a drug store. So what is the only solution? We drink. And oh my lanta did we ever. We basically played hot potato with a bottle of vodka and finished an entire bottle (straight, mind you) in roughly 5 minutes. It was as disgusting as it was ridiculous. We had to get towed from Connecticut to Rhode Island and they slapped us with a GIANT ASS tab. Awesome.

So long story short, I'm accustomed to this shit-fest. Now my new car this morning? Ugh. Thankfully boyfriend is more than handy in the car department and hopefully I wont need to hand over an arm and a leg to pay for the damn thing. Oh well....C'est la vie, right?