What They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy (2)

To start this post I'd just like to say that I never in my life thought I would be so damn excited about getting a breast pump in the mail... But Halle-fucking-lujah! Today is the day... And I am way too excited. If any of you future mommies intend to breast feed this is the best invention since nursing camis... Trust me.

Anywayyyy... Part two of the "Everything they don't tell you about pregnancy" post.

If you were anything like me you will become a flippin bloodhound... Somehow you obtain this super human ability to smell EVERYTHING. I could smell a chocolate cake baking a mile away and then tell you allll the ingredients it is composed of. It was odd but secretly kinda awesome all at the same time.

You may retain water. It's incredibly common and extremely unsettling. My fingers went from slight and slim (the only part on my body I can really truly say this about) to straight up sausage fingers. And that shit happened practically overnight. Your face, hands, feet, ankles, even wrists (which I found out the hard way) can all swell. Not the most awful side effect...but annoying nonetheless.

You may also get Braxton hicks contractions... And those bad boys are NO fun. Not all women get them and they can also vary greatly in degree of severity but for the most part they are extremely tolerable (especially when compared to that of labor contractions). Frustrating as they may be they're your body's way of preparing for labor.

Fatigue, if you're anything like me will become your mortal enemy. It was hard enough to pick my sorry ass up to go to work each day. But to then have to go sit at my desk fighting the urge to fall asleep sitting up was just downright impossible (I'm sure the soft jazz/elevator music playing all day was no help either) but my god is it hard to stay awake. It's most common to experience fatigue in the first and third trimesters... But for me, that shit never went away.

I decided to save the best for last. The one thing that saved my sanity the entire pregnancy... Feeling your little one kick. I had read SO many descriptions for what it may feel like when they kick and to be honest only one was spot on. One person had said something about it feeling like butterflies.... Eh.. No not really. Not for me at least. And another said it felt like popcorn popping in your belly. Um what the fuck? No. The best description for my little bugs kicks was a small muscle spasm. Weird ,yes, but when you finally feel it it's so spot on. My bug was a mover. Like a gymnast on speed and always at the most inconvenient times. "Oh you're about to go to sleep? DANCE PARTY!" Fan-fucking-tastic.

I may add more to this but for now this mama needs to get her butt to bed.

What They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

I found out I was pregnant on the Fourth of July. Ironic right? Independence Day... Haha real funny, universe. And to answer your question we (my boyfriend and I) were NOT planning on having a baby. But it seems as though this little girl (my bug, as I like to call her) came into our lives for a reason. The moment I found out was instant mortification. The phrase "holy shit you're gunna be a mom" ran through my mind 48262892 times that day. When it was finally confirmed that I was in fact prego, my life seemed to do a 360. But I will get to all that a little later. This post is dedicated to telling you ALLLLL the things that they DIDN'T tell me about pregnancy and try to separate myth from truth. So here we go.
First off, whoever said women get this "pregnancy glow" is full of shit. She is not glowing, she's sweating her ass off from carrying around 30+ extra lbs. And speaking of the standard "30 lb" weight gain... It's also a bunch of bullshit. Some women gain little to no weight while others (such as myself) gain the weight equivalent to carrying a toddler. We're all different.
You don't always have weird cravings in fact mine were never really weird at all, my cravings were basically the cravings I had pre-pregnancy but exacerbated. So my undying love of anything cheese just went through the roof and my desire to eat Taco Bell was borderline inhuman. But I never busted out at pickle and peanut butter sandwich or any of that crazy shit even once.
I have always taken pride in my unusually awesome bladder control. Weird, I know. But it was always extremely gratifying to know that I didn't have to stop what I was doing all the time to pee. I was good for maybe once every 3-4 hours or so. But with pregnancy that went right out the window. Not so much in the beginning but once that baby weighs more than a grapefruit you really start to lose it. AND to boot there's something you should also know about. And while I don't want to scare anyone out of having children, it's always a good idea to stay informed... There is something we pregos like to call snissing. Sounds pleasant right? Totally. It is pissing when you sneeze...and when it happens the first time it is deeply disheartening. So if it happens to you don't be discouraged because you surely aren't the only one.
You won't necessarily have morning sickness. I was very fortunate to never deal with this even once throughout my pregnancy. But also be aware that there are women who have all-the-time sickness... As in.. it doesn't stop in the morning ... Or after the first trimester.
To add a little something positive to this post... After being pregnant for what feels like a fucking decade you seriously learn to not take ANYTHING for granted. I missed so many of the little things like being able to sit down and stand up like a normal human being, or getting out of bed without looking and feeling like a beached whale, or even just sleeping on my belly. The moment you are able to do even the littlest things after being pregnant you will enjoy them that much more.
Ill definitely be sure to add more to this in another post, as there is no end to the wisdom I have to share with you but for now I must go off to bed in order to be up in an hour or so to feed the bug. Fantastic.

About Me

The names Kerin. Twenty-three years young, only child, amateur & hopeful photographer, and as of two and a half weeks ago MOMMA. Everyone always talks about how gratifying and fantastical and all that other bullshit about becoming a parent is, and the truth is...IT IS. This adorable little booger already has me wrapped around her teeny-tiny itty bitty dagger-nailed finger. She can seriously do no wrong, which is a mortifying thought. In fact, in the past two and a half weeks she's coughed, sneezed, pooped, & peed on me AND burped DIRECTLY into my mouth at least a half dozen times and yet somehow I still can't get enough of her. She was my inspiration for starting this blog.

So Confessions of a Serial Napper will be part mommy misadventures, part photography, and part words of wisdom that I shall impart to you (you're welcome). 

A little about me...

I love to cook...well...I love to eat even though my palate really hasn't expanded much since kindergarden. I'm brutally honest, always. I have a slight giraffe obsession, I just recently bought a ridiculously expensive camera which I'm still learning to use (prepare for regular photo-bombs).  I swear way too often. I read, A LOT. And if you didn't really catch it from the title of this blog, I'm a napper, always have been, always will be, and not just your standard, everyday "cat" napper, no sir. If I nap you can GUARANTEE it'll be longer than two hours, in fact, I'm infamous for it. I'm a little unruly at times borderline crazy even, but I'm excited to finally start on this blogger journey, so join me will you?