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What They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

20 March 2013

I found out I was pregnant on the Fourth of July. Ironic right? Independence Day... Haha real funny, universe. And to answer your question we (my boyfriend and I) were NOT planning on having a baby. But it seems as though this little girl (my bug, as I like to call her) came into our lives for a reason. The moment I found out was instant mortification. The phrase "holy shit you're gunna be a mom" ran through my mind 48262892 times that day. When it was finally confirmed that I was in fact prego, my life seemed to do a 360. But I will get to all that a little later. This post is dedicated to telling you ALLLLL the things that they DIDN'T tell me about pregnancy and try to separate myth from truth. So here we go.
First off, whoever said women get this "pregnancy glow" is full of shit. She is not glowing, she's sweating her ass off from carrying around 30+ extra lbs. And speaking of the standard "30 lb" weight gain... It's also a bunch of bullshit. Some women gain little to no weight while others (such as myself) gain the weight equivalent to carrying a toddler. We're all different.
You don't always have weird cravings in fact mine were never really weird at all, my cravings were basically the cravings I had pre-pregnancy but exacerbated. So my undying love of anything cheese just went through the roof and my desire to eat Taco Bell was borderline inhuman. But I never busted out at pickle and peanut butter sandwich or any of that crazy shit even once.
I have always taken pride in my unusually awesome bladder control. Weird, I know. But it was always extremely gratifying to know that I didn't have to stop what I was doing all the time to pee. I was good for maybe once every 3-4 hours or so. But with pregnancy that went right out the window. Not so much in the beginning but once that baby weighs more than a grapefruit you really start to lose it. AND to boot there's something you should also know about. And while I don't want to scare anyone out of having children, it's always a good idea to stay informed... There is something we pregos like to call snissing. Sounds pleasant right? Totally. It is pissing when you sneeze...and when it happens the first time it is deeply disheartening. So if it happens to you don't be discouraged because you surely aren't the only one.
You won't necessarily have morning sickness. I was very fortunate to never deal with this even once throughout my pregnancy. But also be aware that there are women who have all-the-time sickness... As in.. it doesn't stop in the morning ... Or after the first trimester.
To add a little something positive to this post... After being pregnant for what feels like a fucking decade you seriously learn to not take ANYTHING for granted. I missed so many of the little things like being able to sit down and stand up like a normal human being, or getting out of bed without looking and feeling like a beached whale, or even just sleeping on my belly. The moment you are able to do even the littlest things after being pregnant you will enjoy them that much more.
Ill definitely be sure to add more to this in another post, as there is no end to the wisdom I have to share with you but for now I must go off to bed in order to be up in an hour or so to feed the bug. Fantastic.