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What They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy (2)

21 March 2013

To start this post I'd just like to say that I never in my life thought I would be so damn excited about getting a breast pump in the mail... But Halle-fucking-lujah! Today is the day... And I am way too excited. If any of you future mommies intend to breast feed this is the best invention since nursing camis... Trust me.

Anywayyyy... Part two of the "Everything they don't tell you about pregnancy" post.

If you were anything like me you will become a flippin bloodhound... Somehow you obtain this super human ability to smell EVERYTHING. I could smell a chocolate cake baking a mile away and then tell you allll the ingredients it is composed of. It was odd but secretly kinda awesome all at the same time.

You may retain water. It's incredibly common and extremely unsettling. My fingers went from slight and slim (the only part on my body I can really truly say this about) to straight up sausage fingers. And that shit happened practically overnight. Your face, hands, feet, ankles, even wrists (which I found out the hard way) can all swell. Not the most awful side effect...but annoying nonetheless.

You may also get Braxton hicks contractions... And those bad boys are NO fun. Not all women get them and they can also vary greatly in degree of severity but for the most part they are extremely tolerable (especially when compared to that of labor contractions). Frustrating as they may be they're your body's way of preparing for labor.

Fatigue, if you're anything like me will become your mortal enemy. It was hard enough to pick my sorry ass up to go to work each day. But to then have to go sit at my desk fighting the urge to fall asleep sitting up was just downright impossible (I'm sure the soft jazz/elevator music playing all day was no help either) but my god is it hard to stay awake. It's most common to experience fatigue in the first and third trimesters... But for me, that shit never went away.

I decided to save the best for last. The one thing that saved my sanity the entire pregnancy... Feeling your little one kick. I had read SO many descriptions for what it may feel like when they kick and to be honest only one was spot on. One person had said something about it feeling like butterflies.... Eh.. No not really. Not for me at least. And another said it felt like popcorn popping in your belly. Um what the fuck? No. The best description for my little bugs kicks was a small muscle spasm. Weird ,yes, but when you finally feel it it's so spot on. My bug was a mover. Like a gymnast on speed and always at the most inconvenient times. "Oh you're about to go to sleep? DANCE PARTY!" Fan-fucking-tastic.

I may add more to this but for now this mama needs to get her butt to bed.