Finally!

Today is a good day, my friends. Not only did the ambien (my savior) help me sleep a little....BUT

It's also a great day today.

Why is that you ask?

Well, gorgeous weather aside...TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF WORK.

Yep!

No, I'm not retiring just yet (although maybe if I win the lottery cause that shits up to 600 MILLION)...But I DID get a new job!!!

YAY!!!

Crappier hours...BUT much better pay and WAY better benefits to take care of bug with...Holla!

And what's better is I also get two weeks off before my new job starts! DOUBLE YAY! Two weeks with bug! And tons of quality time with my Nikon.

I learned a valuable lesson at this position. One that I'm prepared to take with me in all my future endeavors.

And you know what? It's 100% true. And it took me far too long to figure this out.

Don't get me wrong.. There were a select handful of people who totally made getting up to go to this job worthwhile for the length of time that I was there.

But it didn't occur to me until today that all the stress, all the sleepless nights, the hives (yep, all over my face, no joke), the worrying, the wondering... It's not worth it.

I like to be great at what I do. Any task at hand I want to do to the best of my ability.

Photography for example... I've been working so hard to learn and grow and teach myself because I have a passion for it. I'm eager to learn and work hard at improving because I sincerely love it.

I mean... Nobody sets out with the goal of doing a shitty job at anything ... But I was NOT doing the best at my job and that is because I was held back. I wasn't taught, I wasn't trained, I was set aside, and therefore I was unable to grow...

One can only be back-burnered for so long before it becomes an insult.

I walked out of my job today happier than I've been in a very.. very long time. Not just because I had quit a company that did nothing but cause me immeasurable stress and disappointment but also the thought of a new job where opportunity is around every corner.

We all know whether or not we want to admit it or not that most of us work for the primary purpose of money. We can't deny it. Somebody's gotta pay the bills, am i right?

But what exactly is the point of waking up every morning miserable going to a job that makes you good money.

Very few are those who are privileged to be able to do what they love and make great money doing it. It's almost as if you are forced to choose....either you love your job or you make great money. And really... That's not how it should be. If you are one of the lucky few who is able to have both consider yourself extremely lucky.

I'm excited for this new adventure. This job has all the potential in the world and I am able to do with it what I see fit. I'm excited again. I'm excited to learn and to grow and to be motivated each day.

So for now I'm off to bed... Hopefully to sleep. But with my old job in my metaphorical rear view mirror... Something's telling me ill FINALLY be able to get some stress free shut eye.

Good Job

I think there is nothing more undervalued in the workplace than telling an employee they've done a good job. I'm not happy with the number of jobs I've had in the last two years or so. And while my reasoning for leaving each job is VASTLY different (co-worker stealing from other co-workers,temp-position, moving to a new house)... I can't remember the last time someone really truly came up to me and thanked me for a job well done. The temp position I held for a summer was in manufacturing. It was the most monotonous job on earth, but the people were fantastic and they CONSTANTLY rewarded you with a smile and "Great Job!" if your work was quick and quality (which mine ALWAYS was...obviously). And really...nothing motivated me more as an employee than hearing someone tell me they appreciated my work. I don't need a bonus or incentives every time I do a good job...really...I just want someone to APPRECIATE my hard work on occasion.

And what's better, oftentimes not only will employers NOT give you a pat on the back when deserved but when you do mess up or get slower or whatever the issue may be they NAG THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. So let me get this straight...you want to keep me as an employee right? So why the hell are you only making a point to tell me when I've done something WRONG as opposed to the many times I do something well or RIGHT.

Also,in order to DO a good job one must know wtf they're doing, am I right? In order to know what to do, and how to do said job best, one must be trained. Even if you are a freaking professional at what you do, different places may have different policies and rules...whatever it may be. Regardless of how much you know walking into a job, you NEED to be trained. And what happens when you aren't? Well...you look like an asshole of course. That, my friends, is the other thing that seriously grinds my gears. I am MORE than eager to learn. At any position, really. Because I always strive to make people happy, to get that "good job" at the end of the day. And I can't do that if people won't take the time to help me. Long story short, today's post is a Debbie Downer Monday post. It doesn't help that today started out with a skunk....more on THAT later I promise. But for now, I may be sensing a change in the VERY near future....and one that could very well change my perspective on things, for the way WAY better.

I Want It All

I'm sure you're familiar with the saying “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” Gee, thanks Confucius...But if I did that I'd be 4 trillion dollars in debt. And the more I truly think about what would make me happy the more confused I become. I love interior design and all things decorating. I have a knack for it... I always have. It's actually what I went to school for however, being in the field now makes me honestly consider if it would be enough.

I also love and sincerely miss working with children. I thought that would go away after having bug...but it hasn't. I worked as a babysitter starting at the very very early age of 12 and continued to do so in my spare time up until a year ago. I worked as a camp counselor for four years and also as a teaching assistant in an early learning center. EVERY SINGLE one of these jobs I have loved. There is nothing more fulfilling to me then working with children and watching them learn and grow into these little people. And yes, granted I had my few kids I wanted to throw out the window on occasion, but at the end of the day, those kids still had my heart. I'm pretty certain my love of working with children stems from being an only child. As a kid I begged and begged for my parents to give me a brother or sister and it just wasn't meant to be. All my friends would tell me how lucky I am and how great it is to not have anyone picking on you or having to share anything but people who have siblings really don't understand how lonely it is. The grass is always greener on the other side right? Well, these kids became that for me.

I'll never forget my final week working at the school a parent came up to me and gave me a hug and said "Can I tell you something?...I love that not once have I ever heard you call them "my students" you ALWAYS refer to them as "my kids"" And that's what they were to me. As much as I was there to help them learn, they were also MY kids. One little girl, let's call her E...her, her mother, and father were like the world's most PERFECT family. Like, super sweet and loving, and always smiling, just perfect. Well, E was SUPER quiet, especially when I had first met her, but what a sweetheart she was. She was sort of picked on by the other girls for being so quiet so I would take them all aside and try and work my magic. Soon enough E started opening up and she would come to me with issues with other children or if she just needed a lap to sit on.

One day I needed to leave early for an appointment of sorts and just made a quick announcement during lunch to the class that I would be leaving for the rest of the day and E instantly bowed her head and started to cry. I felt AWFUL. My heart shattered. I assumed she would just get over it and forget I was even gone, as I'm sure the rest of the class did. So I gave her a hug told her I'd be back the next day, and left. But the next day, her mom came up to me and said that E had mentioned I left yesterday and was sad THE REST OF THE NIGHT. Little did I know how much of an impact I had on this little girl, her mom looked at me smiled and said "She talks about you all the time, she really loves you" squeezed my arm and left. I was blown away. Shortly after this I had decided that I was going to leave the school and knew I needed to break it to the class. The LAST thing I had wanted was to leave these kids. It took me a week...A WEEK to muster up the courage to tell them. And when I did E was a wreck. She cried even during naptime...so I sat beside her cot and held her hand until she fell asleep. My final day at work when her mom came to pick her up HER MOM was crying. This sweet woman, I couldn't even believe it. She told me I was the first person that E had really let in...she's always extremely quiet but she wasn't when she was with me. I had no idea I meant that much to them. And she gave me the most heartfelt card. I miss them, so so much.

I also would love to pursue photography. But it's one of the few jobs that requires an investment. And photography equipment and software is NOT FUCKING CHEAP. Lenses for a camera can cost 2..even 3 times as much as the actual camera EACH. And Photoshop is like 400+. Oy. I just don't have that kinda money.

I also love to be a stay at home mom and spend all hours of the day with bug, playing and cuddling.

I just want it all. And the only solution to that is winning the lottery apparently. That way I could pursue all outlets and never worry about how much I was making or how much things were costing.

Maybe one day I'll figure it out but for now I'll be stuck in this job-limbo. Awesome.