Ms. New Booty.

So if you've been reading religiously (which you better be), you'll know I have a problem when it comes to singing on the spot. I don't know what is wrong with my brain, but the second my brain needs to think of a lullaby or even a soft song to sing to my bug when she's upset, the only song I can come up with is..... Ms. New Booty...

what the actual fuck?
What kind of mother am I? And this happens every time...EVERY SINGLE TIME. Apparently, my brain is stuck only remembering sub par music circa 2006. And I mean, don't get me wrong it's not a bad song....but uhhhhh why?
So let me paint you a picture... there I am rocking my little girl attempting to silence the crying and there's mommy "I found you ms. new booty...get it together and bring it back to me." Followed by an internal dialog "what the fuck is wrong with you, you can't sing that shit to your baby...ok I'll try again" "booty, booty, booty, booty rockin everywhere....DAMNIT"...this happens daily...like on the reg. And I can't stop it. So between, "Soft kitty" and "Ms. New Booty"...nominee for mother of the year award is this guy right here.
Where the hell is twinkle twinkle little star or you are my sunshine or the classic rockabye baby when I need them? Oh well...if you can't beat em... join em.

Milestone Shmilestone

From the minute my bug was born she was amazing the crap out of everyone, no seriously, i'm not just saying it. This little girl is ridiculous. Even immediately right after birth she was extremely alert and ready to make an impression. The second day after she was born she was able to hold her head up, granted not for very long, but unbelievable nonetheless. Her legs are so freaking strong, she can stand on them for a few seconds at a time or use them to kick the ever living shit out of whoever is changing her diaper. At 6 weeks now she's still blowing my mind.
I'm not ready to leave her and go back to work. I'm terrified of missing all these milestones that she seems to be blowing past so quickly. So I've been making an attempt to document every second I'm with her just to make sure I feel like I'm not missing much. Thankfully, she'll be watched by my future mother and sister in law, who are almost as obsessed with this bug as we are, taking just as many pictures and videos. I'll be sure to post more later on today but for now, I leave you with this face.

Flashback Friday

So this morning I found myself in a state of reminiscence. I was sitting on the couch watching tv and it became abundantly clear, after seeing a few commercials, how different/ridiculous toys are today. Do you remember how AWESOME toys were back in the day?

Lets go back shall we?

Pogs.


Collectable cardboard discs with pictures on them. Yep. The guy that created those was an evil genius. But genius nonetheless. The worlds simplest game created using pieces of cardboard. Instantaneous worldwide hit!

Polly Pocket.



Ahhhh Polly Pocket. Polly's still around but that biotch is 10 times her original size. Polly was way more cool when she actually fit in your pocket and wasn't a fucking choking hazard

Easy bake oven.



The miniature oven that cooked tiny baked goods with a lightbulb. That's right, a light bulb...sounds legit. I was never privileged enough to have one of these as a child...not gunna lie, still kind of disappointed about that.

Tamagotchi.



Tiny little virtual pet keychains. God when you say it like that it sounds stupid. And that's probably because it was. BUT as a kid these were the greatest toys of all time, especially if you didn't get caught playing with them in class. Basically you needed to care after this little pet, make sure it was fed, played with, and cleaned up after (yes it shit virtually) etc and if you didn't it died. YAY!

Pretty Pretty Princess.



This game was the shit. I LOVED this game as a kid...except when I wasn't winning. This game not only made you hate your friends for their stupid gloating as they put on that damn tiara but made you feel like a fucking peasant. Oh cool, I have a ring and fake set of tacky pearls? I feel so pretty. Regardless, for some reason I still insisted on playing it anytime a friend had it and still miss it for whatever reason.


The one toy they do bring back? Furby. FURBY. The toy every kid wanted and then completely regretted owning after .2638 seconds because it would not stop bitching about being hungry! @$&@*!(!#

Great. So what do kids play with now you ask? iPads. Lord, grant me strength.

Check back every friday for a flashback until I run out of ideas or get too lazy. Comment and subscribe!