Zombie Mommy

I haven't slept in like a week.

No but seriously..it's awful.

And everyone's all like "Oh the baby's keeping you up?"

NO. Actually...she's a perfect little angel and sleeps through the night so god knows WHY the hell I'm not sleeping. It's been close to 5 days since I've had some half decent sleep. And if you know me even a little you know that sleep is very important to my well-being.

HENCE the name "Confessions of a Serial Napper"...because...8 hours of blissful sleep is often not enough for me. I love me some naps too. Ugh. There's nothing like taking a mid day nap on a rainy Sunday.

I'm actually infamous for my naps. I don't take little cat naps...cat naps are for pussys. (See what I did there?)

I take NAPS. Like three hour POWER naps.

My friends would call me in the middle of the day for YEARS and when they didn't get an answer...they knew...

Naps are just so refreshing and invigorating and sometimes if you're grumpy or you feel like shit...a nap is just what the doctor ordered.

Well mama hasn't slept. And she is one tired and cranky mofo. And ain't nobody got time fo' naps.

So basically...I'm a walking zombie. I've been talking out my ass and stuttering and I just need some serious zzzz's.



Fingers crossed I can get some shut eye tonight...or things are going to start getting realllll ugly.

Holy Crap I'm a Mom

You know how some things in life take like FOREVER to realize? I keep having those moments ALL the time...over really big things and insignificant things.

Por ejemplo (ya like that? I still remember SOME spanish...it's cool..I only took it for SEVEN years):

Graduating high school was probably my first surreal experience. I could not believe I was a graduate...or how old I was getting...

And when boyfriend and I found out we were pregnant? I didn't somewhat believe it until our first ultrasound and then honestly it didn't really hit home until I was giving birth to her and then held her in my arms for the first time...And then for probably a MONTH after having her I would wake up every morning and be like "Shit...I'm a mom...when did that happen?" It is so surreal...and still is even seeing her adorable little face I just wanna smush like ALL the time...I still can't believe she's mine.

Well, yesterday, I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize and when I listened to the voice mail some woman told me I had a package delivered to my house but because I wasn't there to receive it they gave it to my neighbor to hold on to until I got home...I didn't even know they could do that...

So for the next 2 hours I sat with ants in my damn pants waiting to go home and see what it was.

I get home and on the counter (boyfriend had retrieved said package) was a GINORMOUS fruit bouquet. Like HUGE. I looked at boyfriend and was like...did YOU do this? And he assures me for the 297452th time that it was not in fact from him so I read the card. My best friend, Lindsay (yes, you have heard that name before, she's the one from the sticky shovel incident) sent me this awesome-ness with a card that said "Happy first Mother's Day. Love, Linds".

INSTANT tears.

FIRST OF ALL.

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE flowers. I do. You can see them ALL over my blog. HOWEVER...nothing says "I love you", "Thank you." "You're fucking awesome", "Get well soon" WHATEVER...like food does.

Seriously.

And not just any food. Chocolate covered food...my FAVORITE kind. And it's fruit...so I don't have to feel guilty about stuffing face and eating the entire basket.

And second... the point of this post...

This thoughtful, unexpected, totally fantastic (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!) gift reminded me that I'm a mother this Mother's Day. And while people have been saying it to me, I've kind of just been brushing it off. It wasn't really until I received her gift that I was like....Damn, that's right....I'm a mom this mother's day. Some things really just don't hit home until a significant moment. And THAT was my significant moment. I'm SO happy to be a mom. I'm so happy to have such a wonderful, beautiful baby. I'm so happy to have a loving boyfriend. AND I'm so happy to have friends who make all of these amazing moments in my life THAT much better. Happy mama, today :)

Never a Dull Moment

Nothing like starting off your Tuesday morning walking into someone peeing.

Seriously? What is my life?

And not only that...It was a man.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Now let me explain myself before I come off like some creepy mofo walkin in bathrooms and creepin on people.

At work we have 3 bathrooms. Two of the bathrooms are individual unisex bathrooms, available for the customers as well as the staff to use. The dungeon bathroom (as I like to call it) is this disgusting, strange men's bathroom. It has one of those weird ass giant circle sinks in the middle of the room like in Harry Potter but exponentially more gross. It features 2 stalls and a urinal and the door does not lock. The guys don't need to use this bathroom as we have two other, better, more private, less terrifying bathrooms and yet regardless they all for some reason still use the dungeon bathroom.

Now normally I would have no need to ever enter a men's bathroom. And thinking back I think I've only ever USED a men's bathroom like twice in my life...as a kid in emergency-I-can't-hold-it situations. But, of course, this bathroom houses all the cleaning products and toiletries needed for me to properly do my job.

So, as I always do, this morning I knocked on the door, and as always there was no answer. So I waltzed right in. And there..standing before me at the urinal (of course) is a guy peeing. Damn it. Why?!
Did you not hear me knock? Ugh.

So my obvious response is to internally freak out, turn around and BOLT in the opposite direction. Mind you this is no more than 5 minutes after having walked in the door to work. What a way to start off the day. Now I'm weirded out and agitated and ready to go home and cuddle with boyfriend and bug...and then promptly burn my eyes out of my skull.

Is it Friday yet?

Forever a Hazard

So a few days ago I had posted about my inability to do pretty much anything without causing harm to myself, people or things around me.

Welp...Ms.Hazard strikes again.

This time in the form of a tomato tornado.



No but seriously...this is my life.

This doesn't even show the extent of the mess...like that shit was on the curtains...and the floor.

I can't shower, or do laundry, or go for a walk, or make food, or eat like a normal human being...I somehow have to make a mess or break something or screw it up in some way shape or form. And tonight was in the form of an explosion.

At least I got this out of it.



Boyfriend makes dinner for me...puts me in charge of one thing..and whaddya know. Oh well it was yum yum.

I'm A Hazard...

Seriously... I need to wear like a sign or something. I can't do anything without spilling something or hurting myself or hurting someone else.

It's a problem.

So I'm in the breakroom enjoying my apple when I see this:

I don't know how easily you can distinguish what is going on in this picture but that red business in the middle of my apple is blood.

No seriously.

Because only I would be capable of eating an apple and bleeding. How does that even happen you ask?

Little factoid: pregnancy makes your gums SUPER DUPER RIDICULOUSLY sensitive and you are very susceptible to gingivitis while pregnant.

Well that shit has yet to go away.

SOMEHOW I managed to rip my gums open eating an apple and now my fruit is a tainted and gross.

I'm a hazard.

Story of my life.

Parrot baby

The other night my mom and I were sitting with bug and playing with her. She was in one of those intoxicating playful moods, where she is just babbling and cooing and smiling away..similar to the picture seen below.




So I look at her, get right up in her cute little bug face, and sing "lalalala" to which I then take her little chiny-chin-chin and make her mouth "lalalala" back like a baby ventriloquist dummy. I did this maybe 5 times back and forth (because stupid shit like this is how I entertain myself) and the last time I did it, I SWEAR TO GOD, she looks at me with those big beautiful blue bug eyes and goes "ah-ah-ah-ah".

I just about shit my pants.

I have a parrot for a baby.

My mom and I look at each other with that "is this real life" face and just instantly start laughing. My 2 month old just imitated me. *Rubs hands together maliciously* THIS could get interesting.

So my first thought, obviously as a parent, is that clearly I have a baby genius on my hands. We all know as parents when we get our baby to do something cute or smart or funny...we keep repeating it to try and get them to do it again. So I did...and my mom and I sat there WAITING...and nothing. DAMN IT. And what's better is now I'm pretty sure she's looking at us with a "wtf is wrong with you" face, because the two of us are in absolute hysterics over this mini milestone and staring into her soul waiting for her to do it again.

I have this amazing, beautiful, expensive (for me) camera and a phone that is ALWAYS on my person...and yet somehow I still manage to miss all these moments.... Kicking myself in the ass. Oh well...maybe next time...here's hoping!

Semi Silent Sunday

So...I've got a mini photo bomb for ya ladies and gents...but I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me hit !000 VIEWS! I'm beyond excited and here's to the next 1000!

$@!*&%?#

So the other day I almost spewed my coffee out of my mouth when my co-worker apologized to me for swearing in front of me. I am by no means proud of the fact that I swear like a damn truck driver, but I sincerely enjoy swearing. Lord, if I know why. Sometimes...it really just drives your point home. Sometimes "fuck" is really the only appropriate noun,verb,adjective for the job. Nothing releases agitation quicker than a cacophony of swears. But generally speaking if I'm in an environment where profanity is frowned upon then I'll do my sincere best to shut off my inner sailor...or wait till I'm out of earshot and then let the expletives fly.

So when my coworker apologized to me I couldn't help but laugh. Are you kidding me? This side you see of me everyday? That's the toned down version of me. In every aspect. ESPECIALLY at work.



Maybe one day swearing will be more socially acceptable...but for now...I'll just try and keep my big fucking trap shut.

Finance Friday

Today's the day ladies and gents! I get to start putting money away for the 52 week challenge (If you don't remember what that is look here). And I've officially decided that money will be used for a trip to Disney!!! And what makes this all so great aside from the obvious?! My best friend has decided to join me in this financial excursion. WOO! Occasionally, I'll be posting and updating (not every week, I assure you...because that would be stupid...and obscene) so you can see my progress and maybe decide to do it for yourself. I even made a little mason jar for it and everything. Yep. I'll be sure to post pictures later on so keep looking! Comment and let me know if you're gunna try it too!


There she is ...my 52 week challenge jar. I'm considering getting all crafty and what not but for now I've only chalkboard painted the top. Which I will show you later...once I've bought chalk (smart...i know). I know...I'm obsessing over this mason jar...but you know what? It means a trip tooooo DISNEY. And if it's cute too? Well what the hell :)

Short and Sweet

Deep Thoughts Thursday

This poem, to date, is still my favorite of all time. I think I love it so much because 1. I never had an issue understanding it (none of that read between the lines BS) and 2. It really applies to everyone. At one point or another you will have to make a decision in your life, a big decision, and you will have two...or sometimes even more options to choose from. We even have those little choices we make daily. How often do you find yourself thinking about the "what if's". What if I never went to that place, or met that person. If you really think about it there are an infinite amount of "paths". Any little tiny occurrence, decision, choice we make could potentially drastically alter the course of our lives.

So when faced with a decision...a path..like in Frost's poem....do you go the way you know is safe...the path you know many people have traversed? Or do you choose the path that few have traveled, a path with the possibility of complication OR an even better outcome than the alternate?

I pulled an annoying girlfriend yesterday...sitting on the couch with boyfriend, bug fast asleep between us, I looked at him and said "Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if we had stayed broken up?" He looked down at bug, looked up at me and with ZERO hesitation he says "No.". While I sat there, my little black grinch heart melting from his answer, I couldn't help but think that I WISH I were that way. I wish I could journey down my "road of life", if you will, and NOT look back. NOT wonder about the "what-ifs". And the more I thought about it the more I realized how shitty of a way it is to go about life that way...to constantly wonder "what if". Well,to be frank, who the hell cares? That bell has rung, that song has been sang...the decision has already been made, so why look back? If you regret a choice you've made....learn from it. If we sit back and constantly wonder what could have happened or should have happened you lose the NOW.

A new path may be scary or challenging, but sometimes the outcome is worth the risk. THAT, my friends, is exactly how I felt when we found out we were pregnant with bug. I was scared, I thought I was gunna puke (and not from morning sickness), I questioned my ability to be a good mother...and even from the get-go boyfriend was ready. He knew that we were going to have her and raise her to the best of our ability. He KNEW that from the very beginning. And now looking back at that moment, I realize how absolutely right he was. You take what is handed to you and you make the best of it. And now, I can't even begin to imagine my life without this little girl. I can't. She is my whole world, and I'm a happier and better person now that she's in my life. It was a path (if given the choice) I probably would not have taken. And now, even though I had no choice in the matter, I'm thankful for her. Every single second of every day I'm thankful for my bug.

I think from now on I really need to start appreciating the NOW more, and not wonder about the could-have-beens. I love my boyfriend, I love my bug, I love my friends and family. I'm happy, I'm healthy. And THAT is enough.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

17 Lights

There are 17 lights on my way to work. Yep. Today I counted them. There are also 4 of those flashing yellow blinky lights. Now I guess this wouldn't be a huge deal if my work were say...30 or even 20 miles away. So how far away is work for me you ask?...6...6 damn miles. That is the most ridiculously stupid thing ever. Which means, according to how my life works I hit anywhere between 80 and 90 percent of them. Who, may I ask, even thought to put THIS many lights in such a small freaking area? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.


And what's more the people in my town are (understandably so) fed up with this clusterfuck of lights, that they blow through them...ALL.THE.TIME. I have never seen people run red lights like they do in my town. EVER. It's insane. When a light turns green, it is suicide to Mario Andretti your ass through it...because GUARANTEED there is at least one...if not TWO people about to run the red light going in the opposite direction. Suicide I tell you. And I can't say I never run red lights...cause I totally do, usually not out of spite for the number of red lights I need to sit at. Normally when I run a red light it's one of those, "Oh the light turned yellow but I'm going too fast to stop in a normal manner so that the person behind me doesn't rear end me" (I always picture cars that stop too fast in cartoons and the rear end of the car lifts up from the force of the stop. Awesome visual, I know.) And of course I've had the occasional times where I'm like "Fuck it, I'm going"...and we all know what makes those moments awesome...When the person BEHIND YOU also runs the red light. Because you know YOU ran it...that guy like BLATANTLY ran it (like a boss)...and his ass is grass if the cops are around, and yours is safe. Score.

Welp, today's a big day for me..I'll make sure to share sometime later on ;). And tonight I will be following up with the most delicious-fantastic-mouthwatering-lifealtering recipe EVER. Prepare accordingly.

Pepé Le Back-the-f*ck-off

Now I'm no stranger to wildlife, I lived in the boondocks for 23 years of my life (which as of right now is all the years of my life) and we had no shortage animal friends. Foxes, deer, turkeys, possums, raccoons (Jesus .. It sounds bananas when you list em off) you name it..we had it. Well I now live in a new neighborhood... And it's much less woodsy and ALOT more living on top of your neighbors. So needless to say I expected little to no wildlife with the exception of birds and the occasional squirrel.

So I'm running a bit behind for work today and I'm furiously trying to get to my car. I run outside and a car passing by beeped. Normally this wouldn't bother me so much however I still was only about 45% awake so it scared the shit out of me. I turn to give them my best "fuck you" face when I noticed I wasn't alone. There, about 10 ft from me was a skunk. Like .. A cat sized skunk... Just waddling around minding his own business. I attempted to get in my car but every move I made.. He would stop and hesitate for a moment. It would be one thing to be 10 minutes late to work.. It would be a whole other if I was 10 minutes late and smelt like a skunk's ass. So I made certain to tread VERY carefully.

This little bastard apparently has taken residence under our shed. Fan-freaking-tastic. Thank god I got away. But now I will forever be looking out for this little guy like the crazy old lady who says she sees shit no one else sees. So what did I do you ask? I made sure I got proof.

Good Job

I think there is nothing more undervalued in the workplace than telling an employee they've done a good job. I'm not happy with the number of jobs I've had in the last two years or so. And while my reasoning for leaving each job is VASTLY different (co-worker stealing from other co-workers,temp-position, moving to a new house)... I can't remember the last time someone really truly came up to me and thanked me for a job well done. The temp position I held for a summer was in manufacturing. It was the most monotonous job on earth, but the people were fantastic and they CONSTANTLY rewarded you with a smile and "Great Job!" if your work was quick and quality (which mine ALWAYS was...obviously). And really...nothing motivated me more as an employee than hearing someone tell me they appreciated my work. I don't need a bonus or incentives every time I do a good job...really...I just want someone to APPRECIATE my hard work on occasion.

And what's better, oftentimes not only will employers NOT give you a pat on the back when deserved but when you do mess up or get slower or whatever the issue may be they NAG THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. So let me get this straight...you want to keep me as an employee right? So why the hell are you only making a point to tell me when I've done something WRONG as opposed to the many times I do something well or RIGHT.

Also,in order to DO a good job one must know wtf they're doing, am I right? In order to know what to do, and how to do said job best, one must be trained. Even if you are a freaking professional at what you do, different places may have different policies and rules...whatever it may be. Regardless of how much you know walking into a job, you NEED to be trained. And what happens when you aren't? Well...you look like an asshole of course. That, my friends, is the other thing that seriously grinds my gears. I am MORE than eager to learn. At any position, really. Because I always strive to make people happy, to get that "good job" at the end of the day. And I can't do that if people won't take the time to help me. Long story short, today's post is a Debbie Downer Monday post. It doesn't help that today started out with a skunk....more on THAT later I promise. But for now, I may be sensing a change in the VERY near future....and one that could very well change my perspective on things, for the way WAY better.

Nikon Day

Welp, it's Saturday...and as fantastic as that fact is, boyfriend is at work, and the best friends are either 500+ miles away or busy. Even bug is too busy for mama today. She's fast asleep on the couch next me, in a position I'm pretty sure would cause scoliosis in a normal human being. So the majority of my day has been spent with the dogs, my Nikon, and the TV. I know, borderline hermit. Oh, well. The best part of today has been the fact that I have zero responsibility and can sit on my ass if I so choose, that, my friends, is why Saturday's are awesome. I've been doing a little experimenting with the camera now that I've had a couple months with it and I hope to start to fine tune my abilities. And while I still don't have half decent editing software, I must say, they didn't turn out so bad.











Comment and subscribe...and if you have any tips...lay em on me...don't be shy ;)

Why is Your Shovel Sticky?

There are no shitty stories that start with "this one time in college..." Screw band camp. All good stories start with binge drinking and college. So gather round and I'll tell you the tale of the sticky shovel.

So this one time in college my two best friends and I were preparing for a typical night out. We started at their sorority with what I have to imagine was the world's cheapest vodka and pre-gamed our little hearts out until it was time to leave.

After some time had passed we decided it would be a good time to go, and off we went to the car. Now if you remember from posts past I live in New England. And no good story is also complete without a good New England snowstorm. We had had a decent amount of snow on the ground which meant that it needed to be moved somehow because behind the tires of a little ford focus was a giganta-huge pile of snow. Andddd not only that the car itself was covered in the fluffy white stuff.

Luckily for us we happened to have a couple of shovels in the trunk. So we each took our instrument of choice to help unbury this little car. In order to maintain my balance in the snow I held onto the car quickly, just to get my footing. Well this happened to be at the exact same time my friend decided to close the trunk. And yes, in case you were wondering, the trunk did close right on finger.

Thankfully, due partially to the fact that I had consumed a fairly decent quantity of alcohol and also in part to the angle at which my finger was wedged in there I really didn't feel much of anything but pressure. And I'm not saying that to sound like some big asshole tough guy.. My friends can attest to the fact that I wasn't swearing or screaming or anything of the sort. But I looked up and said "oh my god.. My fingers shut in the trunk". Lindsay (my friend that slammed the trunk on finger) FREAKS out shouting "oh my god, oh my god! I'm so sorry! Oh my god! What do I do?! Oh my god!" In a straight up panic and here I am with my finger in the trunk, cool as a cucumber, while the poor girl thinks she's dismembered me. I look at her ... Tell her to relax and just open the trunk.

After a few more "oh my gods" and "I'm sorrys" the trunk was open. I looked at my middle finger... Examined it closely and... Nothing... Honestly.. It started to sting a bit but it looked completely fine.

Surprised, I just continued to shovel while Lindsay continued to apologize. A couple minutes go by and I noticed the shovel started to feel sticky, I disregarded it at first, assuming my hands must have been sweating but after another minute the stickiness didn't seem to feel like what I'd imagine stickiness from sweat would be like so I looked up and said "why is your shovel sticky?". Being that there was no light in the parking lot I couldn't see what was on the shovel until I managed to bring it into the little light that was available and discovered the stickiness was in fact, my blood. And not just a little blood...like a-scene-from-jaws amount of blood.

My hand, the shovel, and the ground was COVERED in my blood...it had even started pooling at my feet. And yet still... Zero pain.

So the girls insisted I go inside and let one of the girls who was a nursing major take a look at it. A large amount of paper towels, a bathroom sink, and a bandaid later we were off and running.

We finally get to the party, which was a rugby party and we were schmoozing and finally enjoying ourselves. A little later on we decided to take part in a stupid college game called zoomy. If you don't know the game or how it works its fairly irrelevant all you need to know us it involves banging your fists on a table.

The giant rugby guy next to me stops me mid game grabs my arms and proceeds to tell me i'm bleeding everywhere....yep. He was right ....I had bled through the bandaid and it was still dripping out of me...I ended up spending the majority of the night in the bathroom running water in the cut and making a feeble attempt to clot the blood with the giant rugby guy as my medic.

These things...these heinous, outrageous, stupid ass things...I swear they only happen to me.

Photo Dump

Photo dump from over the weekend...


The dogs leave their toys everywhere.

Spring is on it's way! FINALLY. Bring on the warm weather, baby!

Yummmm..home made steak and cheese.

Puppy-face

Eating for One

The worst thing you can do while pregnant is give in to the mentality that "I'm pregnant... I'm eating for two" NO YOU'RE NOT EATING FOR TWO. I mean TECHNICALLY yes you're eating for two... But not a normal sized second person... Not two fully sized people. It's you and a person the size of your freakin forearm... And that little person will only require 3 to 500 extra calories per DAY ... Not PER MEAL depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy. And what's worse is other people will just keep trying to feed you! "Here, Kerin ..please eat these cookies" or "I bought you 16 bags of candy because I knew you were craving them". Yes I was craving them ... But it was just that.. A craving. It doesn't mean I need it... And that, my friends is EXCTLY how you gain twice the recommended amount of weight during a pregnancy.

So now I'm back to dieting just as I had before bug. I HAD been losing weight up until the pregnancy and now back I go to wonderful world of dieting and excerise. Hooray! I'll be posting recipes I suppose....maybe that will be just the motivation I need to stay on track...here's hoping.

Sunday Funday in Pictures.

Bug in a bear suit


Sleepy Bug


Sad Bug


The puppy having an emo moment








The letters I painted for Bug's nursery


Frozen Fruit in Sangria is not only genius but DELICIOUS.

Screw You, Bluetooth

You know what really grinds my gears? BLUETOOTH. OH MY FUCKING LANTA. Bluetooth should have one purpose and one purpose only...DRIVING. Any other time you are on bluetooth (unless you are legitimately using both hands or need to for safety reasons)you are an asshole. First off, you look like you're off your damn rocker talking to yourself...Secondly, because of your proximity to me, now I'm not sure if you're talking to me or to yourself and I don't wanna be rude if you ARE talking to me...so now I'm eavesdropping to debate if you are, in fact, talking to me. And when I still can't tell so I politely say "I'm sorry?"... now you look at me like I'M fucking nuts...and now I in fact look like the asshole. UGH. I'm just trying to not be rude to you and ignore you if you ARE talking to me...but excuse ME. This conundrum would all be solved if your lazy ass would use a cellphone like a normal flippin person.

I just experienced this at work with an individual who was just walking around laughing to himself...or so it appeared. Now I'm sitting here shitting my pants thinking this guy is bananas like those homeless people that talk to themselves....until I realized this guy had a bluetooth on. WTF. I hate you bluetooth. No...hate does not accurately describe my dislike....despise...detest...LOATHE ENTIRELY.

Remember that vacation I was just bitching about needing? Yep....definitely still need it.